Fate's Hand
by ronfanforever
Summary: I’ve always known that fate hated me. Maybe I was supposed to get hit by a car when I was younger, I somehow avoided death and from then on fate thought; Well, why kill her when I can just make her wish that she was dead for the rest of her existance?


I've always known that I wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, but I didn't think that I was this stupid. I don't know why I did it, it's not like I didn't know that it was stupid. Actually, I'm lying to myself. Again. I _didn't_ know it was stupid, but only because it was never supposed to turn into this. I was never supposed to care this way.

What I did know is that it was stupid to choose one of the pack, but it wouldn't of had the same effect if I had've chosen some random person. I chose of the pack so that Sam would find out, Sam was the one that was supposed to care, not me.

I was stupid not think that it wouldn't end up this way though, I've always known that fate hated me. Maybe I was supposed to get hit by a car when I was younger, I somehow avoided death and from then on fate decided , what the hell? Why kill her when I can just make her wish that she was dead? What fun would it be to kill her off when I could just watch her suffer for the rest of her unnaturally long life? So, when I thought up my once brilliant plan fate decided that this was just another chance to kick me in the metaphorical balls.

It was stupid. But, in my own defense I never imagined that it could turn out this way. I'd thought over the possible tragic ending, endings that involved military jets and big white soft-walled rooms, sometimes I can be melodramatic, but I never imagined that this could happen. I never thought that it was possible to feel this way again, not about him or anyone, not after Sam.

I was also stupid not to break it off the minute I realized that it was no longer just about sex. But, like always, I just lied to myself some more. The only difference this time was that I believed me but only until it was too late. That was the only reason that the pack didn't find out sooner. I did such a good job of lying to myself that even they, who could literally read every thought in my mind, continued to believe that it was just about sex.

He always knew that I only thought of him as a good fuck, and it really hurt him. We all knew it hurt him, and I was known as an even bigger bitch. But I never stopped, because I did start to love him, even if he didn't know it and I couldn't, wouldn't, believe it.

I did believe it eventually though, I couldn't lie to myself forever. This was where I really shocked myself with my extreme stupidity. First, I still didn't break it off and second, the stupidest thing of all, I told him.

* * *

He rolled off me, onto his back, still breathing raggedly. He'd long given up on trying to convince me to stay the night, realizing that it was a just a waste of words. He'd given in to the fact that now, satisfied, I would roll out of bed to put my clothes back on, no longer slowly, in the teasingly, cruel way that I used to, say thanks and good-bye then walk out the door of his room whilst never looking back.

He closed his eyes and threw an arm across his face, waiting, I knew, for the shift of the mattress, the creak of the floor, the whispered words and the soft closing of the door. This time was different though, there was the shift of the mattress but instead of rolling away from him I rolled towards him, lightly pressing my palm against his hard warm chest. He moved his arm and his soft brown eyes flickered open, scrunched up in confusion. I looked in his eyes and dared myself to stop, to fly out of the room and never come back. Instead I whispered the forbidden words, looking away right before I said it, "I love you Embry."

It made me sad that he believed me so quickly, I was the bitchiest person that everyone who knew me knew. I hadn't looked into his eyes when I told him because I was afraid that he wouldn't believe me, who would? He smiled though, a huge grin stretching across his face, lighting up the entire room. He kissed me and we spent the rest of the night together, and almost every night since.

Nothing was the same after that. Being with Embry gave me the same feeling I got when I ran full speed across an open field, I always felt that I wasn't even running, but flying across the ground. Embry gave me the same thing, whenever I was with him I felt as if I wasn't quite touching the ground, that I was floating a little bit.

I guess I should explain why this entire mess started, I wanted Sam to find out, as I think I've already mentioned. I wanted him to find out and care, I wasn't stupid enough to think that he would leave Emily, I knew that that was never going to happen, I just wanted to know that he still thought about me, that he still did care about me. I don't know or care if it ever worked, it hasn't been about Sam in a long time.

When the pack found out about the change in our relationship they were furious. Not one of them believed that I was being truthful, their reaction was what Embry's should have been, to think that this was another level of bitchiness not yet explored. Leah Clearwater, the heartless bitch, how could she ever love somebody? This was just another evil scheme in the making. Even though they knew my every thought they were convinced that I was just concentrating on not thinking about whatever cruel practical joking I was playing.

I tried not to care about what the pack thought, but I was just worried that their thoughts would get into Embry's head and that he would start to doubt me. The pack was too busy concentrating on hating me to pick up on my worries. Embry didn't care either, he knew I loved him and that was enough for him.

He knew that I had been on the end of loving someone so much it hurt just to have them leave me, he knew I wasn't capable of putting someone else through that. He knew I'd had my heart ripped out, shattered and stomped on once before. I don't know how but he had managed to pick up all the pieces and put them back together, but he did.

Like I said, fate hates me. I have never forgotten this, not even when Embry made me feel like I was flying, I just tried to suppress the thought.

Nobody had thought to tell me when it happened, not even Seth, not even Sam, still no one believed that I cared. Embry would have, but he couldn't face me. All I heard when I phased was her name in everyone's thoughts, they didn't notice my thoughts start to mingle with theirs, not until I trotted silently into the clearing. I had to piece what I'd heard together on my own. They had all suddenly started thinking other things, not wanting to have theirs ears clawed off, when I had entered the clearing. I didn't want to believe, I tried not too but I couldn't force myself to not believe it. The proof had been in all their thoughts.

_Megan Megan Megan._

It was worse this time, I felt as if the glue Embry had used to piece my heart back together had started melting. Instead of just breaking this time, the glue turned to toxic and soon all that was left was a tiny pile of ash. I didn't feel like exploding this time, like hitting everything in sight, destroying everything and everyone, to know that they were hurting just as much as me. I wouldn't wish this pain on anybody. Instead I wanted to crumble, just like my heart, and be blown away in the wind.

The pack, hearing everything I thought and feeling everything I felt, were lost in their own confusion. Trying to comprehend the fact that I loved Embry, I loved him more then I had ever thought possible, if I had to chose now between Sam and Embry there wouldn't be a choice, Sam was only my past. Embry was supposed to be my future, but now he'd gone and imprinted on some blond bimbo.

The scary part was that I didn't blame him, I wasn't mad at him at all, I knew that it wasn't his fault. I knew that he would never have wanted to be away from me and all I wanted was for him to walk into the clearing, tell me it wasn't true, it was all a lie and have him hold me forever. Fate hated me and it was only my fault for being stupid enough to let this happen. I only hated myself.

In the time it took for me to fall to the ground I had phased back, but I barely even noticed the change. He walked into the clearing and saw me kneeling, naked on the ground, in a pathetic heap. He reached his hand out towards me, as if he could touch me from there, stop me. I stumbled to my feet and backed away a few steps, away from him. I wanted to run, run far away from this place, from everything, from my life. As if sensing what I was going to do, he phased, shredding his clothes throughout the clearing. But I also has spun around and leaped, landing on all fours. I could hear their thoughts, his the loudest, calling out for me to stop. But it was too late, no one could keep up with me, I didn't know where I was going. The forest broke abruptly into an open field just as the first drop of rain hit the ground. Fate has always hated me, but as much as I've hated myself.


End file.
